Carol

I had this friend Carol.
We'd known each other since middle school.  We were in separate grades but we were in musicals together, she had an amazing voice. Clear and True was her voice, not like mine, my voice was big all right, but rougher, edgier and I'm brunette. In plays then, the same leads prevailed, pretty blond loveliness  ingénues and the the sweet faced brunette rival. I was neither of those things so I was usually a townsperson, chorus with a line or 2 and sometimes a bit of a solo in song. Carol, struggled with weight, she was not thin, and when your casting directors have favorites, you kinda need to wait til they graduate to even be considered for a larger part.
Carol's light began to shine, when the previous leads left. Her voice found an outlet.
 She signed all my show programs and when she got a lead, she let me know what an awesome townsperson I was. We laughed later, when we became reacquainted in college and she was telling me the plays she was in & I reminded her I was in them. Her face was spectacular, one day at her house I showed her a program and her trite note to the" townsperson". She was embarrassed and adorable. My Carol; she was amazingly funny with a plethora of voice characters, she was beautiful with a stunning smile, yet always felt diminished because of her weight struggles, which I didn't notice ‘til she pointed it out. I listened to her beauty conflict, yet, her smile, warmth, big personality and wacky and wonderful humor; made it impossible to consider. We'd get laughing so hard & had so much fun,  I always marveled at her conflict. She was so great. The girl could talk, nonstop at about 90 miles an hour with barely a breath and end it with a dazzling smile.  When she would get offended or riled her voice would go up in pitch and she'd talk even faster...like she had to get it out all at once.
Our Carol.
 She was prone to easy drama, like getting stirred or riled easily. It wasn't obnoxious and irritating like with some...it was endearing, if you can imagine. Once at college we were just done with showers after working out and she was looking for her comb; Carol’s hair was, after her voice and weight; her obsession. always combed and pulled back into a very specific tight knot in the middle on the back of her head, not to high...not to low, no wisps. The comb was no where to be found, the frenzy began, She asked if I had it...she knew I rarely combed or brushed my hair (she was baffled at this). She looked through my bag...just in case. I began ,at this point, to just sit and watch with a smile on my face. The entertainment was on. looking in neighboring lockers, in the bathrooms, her suspicions mounting on who could do this, and why. Her hair was going to be out of control, why was I smiling, did I hide it? She was talking now about reporting a theft and what kind of person steals a comb!!??!
This was the worst thing ever!
 I just loved her so much right then, I was just beaming, "What!", her flushed cheeks, her soft eyes demanded an explanation.
"Your life must be pretty good", I smiled
"What?!" she was bewildered and she settled down a little.
She and I had talked about my crazy little childhood, abusive foster homes, & my brief stint of teenage mayhem.
"Your life must be pretty good, if losing a comb has this much effect on you" I said warmly and affectionately.
She just looked at me with that deer in headlights look and started laughing, "I must look like a psycho right now!"...we both just laughed, " a little", I winked.
"My life is very good." She conceded with a smile and nudged me.
I encouraged her to just let her hair dry, scrunching was out of the question, she found her soft waves were somewhat appealing and that she had options. It was a good hair day.
My Carol,
Dancing like idiots in her basement and singing at the top of our lungs, at her parents house (her parents loved it if you can imagine!)
Then she moved into an apartment with one of her besties, Christine M. Williamson, all 3 of us had a blast together and we all sang, had wonderful harmonies together, we ventured out in public a few times saturating the airwaves with our sound. We had so much fun. Christine at IC, Carol working at Home Dairy and I was singing on the road and would catch up with them when home. I would kidnap my sister from Woolsworth's & we'd stop in at Home Dairy to surprise her & let her know I was in town. She would just light up.
We had dance parties, singing fests, food parties...I can't remember a time with these ladies that wasn't meaningful. Christine would also share some theater exercises with us....one day we did...
Stage Fighting.
Christine and I are "all in" kinda gals, so, all 3 of us were in a  "fight" when it began...but it became clear that Christine and I, were going for epic battle status, we were falling down, knocking over furniture...emulating old western saloons and epic fight scenes...Carol sat back for the show, giving pointers...and when we ran outta room we rationally decided to go outside, no, not quit, take it outside. We were having too much fun and I was a willing pupil to Christine's expert counsel.  We were throwing punches with jaws popping up, feet off the ground flying backwards, bellyshots that doubled you over, side jaw hits that spun you around before you hit the ground. Our long hair flying adding to the movement and fury. Crawling to get up and wiping imagined blood off our faces. How was the timing? Nailed the landing, was the head spin believable? Was the fist close enough? Carol was giving input...we were getting good...we were INTO it, fierce exhausted warriors dueling to ultimate victory, Christine's instruction on timing and body position was flawless. All in.
When we were "done", I actually think we could've gone to round two.We were laughing and tired and chatting about improvements, giving props and epic improv.. when the police pulled up.
We were good citizens and Carol and Christine lived in not such a great neighborhood. He approached us to see if we had noticed anything unusual or any disturbance outside. We were baffled and said....not since we'd been outside, when did it happen?. We were eager to help.
 He was responding to a call about a street fight on our block.
Carol was horrified, fear & concern swept over her face. Easily jostled, "Oh my God! No! Right here?"
"Yes", the officer calmly replied. "You didn't see ANYTHING?"
"No", we were all looking around, seriously confused as to how we could've missed something like that. My goodness we should've seen something like that. and right here in front of their house...that's freaky and a little too close for comfort, bad enough that the cops were called. HOW did we not see that?, or hear that?

The officer continued, "We got a called that a redhead and a brunette were going at it like they were going to kill each other." The woman who called was in distress that someone might get killed.
Christine's, not so subtle red hair, surrounded widening brown eyes as we looked at each other, I am CLEARLY the brunette....my eyes musta been just as wide, as much as I did not want to get in trouble...I gotta say, I was feeling pretty validated at how legit our street fighting was...trying to quell the feeling of satisfaction and utter joy in my tummy. Christine and I started babbling, laughing ...'splainin' to the officer about what we were doing, "stage fighting", "student at IC", " isn't that funny"and when we said, "we can show you!"
His hand wisely went up, "Please, don't show me," He said slowly as he shook his head, looking down hiding his grin from us.
Oh yeah...probably not a good idea, were we in trouble? worth it? yes!!
He looked at us, and suggested that maybe we keep that sort of thing indoors.
We went indoors and we were laughing and high fiving ...you would've thought we just won an Emmy. We were THAT good! ahh...we laughed for awhile on that...still feels good, even today.
So many stories like that surrounded this dear friend. (& Christine!) & yes we would randomly break into song at any moment, musicals made sense to us!
Our Carol.
After a lengthy search, & becoming the Cornell Savoyards perfect fit.. Carols crystal voice, cheeky humor..perfect timing, she found and married the love of her life, best friend who delighted in all that she was, right face, right size, right humor...just right for him in every way; shortly after that bliss, she found out she had Lou Gehrigs disease.
Helplessness. My children and I prayed for her. I was home much of the time, 3 kids, we had a business out of the home and my husband was a full time student then.
I got a call one day from her husband Paul; Carol wanted to see me, could I come?
He warmly greeted me at the door and led me in, my friend was there leaning on a cane, she wanted to go upstairs and talk alone with me. She needed help up the stairs. Lean on me. She spoke softly, slowly to him as she gave instruction, humbly, purposely. He settled her into a chair and made sure we were all set, smiled at us and bowed out of the room and at her request, closed the door.
My once bounding with non-stop energy friend, now trapped in a shaking body, her movements slow, intentional, every move took great effort.
Love just flooded my being, my beautiful friend, I took her hand, my eyes glistening...so glad for her in my life, so thankful for this moment, don't think of anything else. Push all other thoughts away, this moment, fully occupy it.
She looked at the door, then turned her face back towards me. She squeezed me hand...though it did not feel like a squeeze so much, I could tell it was with all her diminishing strength.
"Do you remember how I used to mock you for saying how good God was?"
When we were younger, I was traveling and touring the country, as a Christian evangelist, I had dedicated my life to Christ at the end of my teens. She marveled that I seemed to gush about God's love & goodness when He had allowed such awful things and some terribly intentioned people in my life. I would tell her without God, I would not have gotten through, Though, she herself, was a Christian, she didn't get how suffering was anything to be thankful for on any level...she razzed me a bit on it, she wasn't gentle about it, it offended her.
"Yeah", I smiled, I remember.
"I get it now," she looked at the door again.
" I don't know how to say this to anyone, not even Paul, I am so thankful God allowed this disease." She looked at me fully, deeply.
I was leaning in now, how, what?
"I have never known the love of God like I do now, never in my life have I seen such, kindness and beauty in people." her once loud voice a soft stream...melting me with every word.
"So many people have offered their help, prayers, encouragement, time, food, it's so humbling," tears now crawling down her cheek. "Never in my life have I felt such love or known how much God loves me. Never. This disease has shown things I never would've known, I am so grateful"
"Ah, Carol", trying to see my friend through hazy eyes.
I am undone.
After a moment or two I suggest with a smile,"Let's sing a song!" I patted our still clasped hands.
She shook her head, sorry to disappoint me, "Kelly, my voice is weak, I can't sing anymore, it makes me sad"
I leaned close to her lovely face and gazed into those crazy blue-green watery eyes and said, " what?, you think God was listening to your voice all these years? or your heart?"
She smiled, "My heart."
I offered an Hallelujah, in a tune we had never sung before...I led out...she came in, after singing it a coupla times, she branched off into a delicious harmony (of course she did), we sat there, squeezing each others hands, tears rolling down our faces as our foreheads touched. I love this woman.
Then we just looked at each other. We embraced one last long time. I prayed a brief prayer and we said our "I love you"s. One last look.
She was gone soon after that, Home",thankfully, this disease did a rather quick turn with her.
There are volumes  of stories, others have volumes more. I am ever changed, ever thankful, ever blessed to have her deeply, vibrantly woven in the fabric of my life.
Our Beloved Carol.